How You Remind Me
by Lily Anna Evans Potter
Summary: 7.01 missing moment: When Kylie comes over for a hookup after Jamie's birthday party, Clay can't shake Sara's image & judgement from his mind. Nights are hard and the blonde model just isn't enough to shake the loneliness. But a night-time walk on the beach turns out to be just the ticket to bonding with Quinn & struggles shared give them both a break from misery. Pre-CQ ft. Sara.


**How You Remind Me**

His assistant worried about his work ethic too; Clay could tell as much when he called her for some more negotiation connections as soon as he got home from Jamie's birthday party. Even with every light in the house on, Clay felt the silence closing in on him and clutched his bottle of chilled beer tighter. "Try Mitch from the Lakers," he told Callie, moving to the balcony to stare out at the dark ocean waves. The blonde model from the commercial for Rain Storm Body Spray he had booked Nathan earlier that week would be coming by later on, so with any luck, his night would feel a little less dark.

"He's not answering the phone right now, boss," said his assistant's voice a few minutes later. "You're officially a bigger workaholic than anyone on the West Coast."

"Callie," he said warningly, even though her honesty was what he valued about the young woman.

"I call 'em as I see 'em." In the pause, he could picture her trying to hold her tongue and failing. "Somebody's gotta make you slow down once in a while. You'll thank me when you don't burn out by like thirty."

"I'm twenty-seven, thank you very much." Clay wasn't about to admit what a favor Callie was doing him just by staying on the phone. "Callie…I'm not pushing you too hard, am I? I guess it is pretty late to be rolling calls."

"I'm fine with it, boss," she said reassuringly. "May I be kind of blunt for a second?"

"Aren't you always, Johnson? Go ahead."

"You cut your Mom off again today, didn't you? She wrote me an e-mail this afternoon. She's really worried about you. Why are you running from your family?"

"That's too blunt, Callie!" Clay snapped and regretted it instantly in her silence. "I'll talk to her eventually, okay? Can you get me the Bobcats' general manager right now or are we done for tonight?"

"I'll give it a shot," said Callie and even after he took out his own issues on her, the girl was cool as a cucumber. "Here we go. Do your thing, night boss."

"Thanks, Callie. Goodnight," he said, hoping it conveyed a slight apology too and then he slipped into agent mode and negotiated to protect Nathan's livelihood, the one thing he could do well.

 _An hour later_

Kylie had walked in while he was still on the phone with the Bobcats' manager and Clay swiftly cut the man off, a welcome break from the precarious negotiation of millions. The blonde had already backed towards the bedroom he had pointed out with a naughty smirk on her face, slipping off her bra as she glided into his bed. "Hey, Mr. Agent, are you going to join me or what?" she purred, throwing herself at him the moment he sat down on the edge of the bed.

Her sultry tones continued to whisper in his ear, slender fingers snaking over his shoulders to unbutton his shirt, but Clay was merely going through the motions. Every night in this house, the image he put forward to his clients, including Nathan's family who meant a lot to him, slipped away. Whether she was smart enough to realize it or not, Kylie was merely a distraction from another blonde leaning in the doorway with a disappointed look in her hazel eyes. The difference was that woman was a sign of how Clay's grasp on reality faded every night. She was nothing more than a figment of his imagination, created by the endless sense of loss and longing in his very soul.

"You can do better." Sara's voice echoed across the years as he gave in to Kylie's flirtation. Her short blonde hair wasn't enough to fool his heart into feeling like a replacement for his first love. No one ever would be, as proven by the fact that he'd been trying to block out the voice for months. But Sara's spirit was inescapable, watching and reminding him daily that he could do better…except that these days he very often couldn't.

When he slipped out of bed after Kylie fell asleep, she didn't stir. But Sara's ghost followed him out onto the balcony, the company he craved that no one could ever understand. Clay tried to ignore her as he rattled off verbal memo recordings into his phone; "Get a list of all the free-agent and restricted point guards in the league and find out if the Bobcats are talking to any of them. Call that kid from Arkansas. Set up a meeting to discuss representation." He gazed out into the darkness, fully aware of Sara's presence before adding a final point; "Saturday is the 14th. Send flowers."

"It's really sweet that you always send my Mom flowers for her birthday, but having you back in her life would mean a lot more, you know," Sara pointed out quietly. "Two children is a hell of a lot to lose. My sister and I both died before thirty. Callie's onto something trying not to let you burn out if you ask me."

"Flowers are the best I can do," said Clay shortly. "You know I can't go back…besides, that's why your parents have Logan."

"Doesn't Nathan's son make you think about him?" For a voice coming straight from the pieces of his broken heart, Clay shouldn't have been surprised that Sara would bring up their infant son, but that didn't make it any easier to hear.

"All the time," he admitted, forcing himself to look into her hazel eyes, bright with love to combat his darkness. "He's better off with your parents, angel…they raised you pretty amazingly. I was too much of a mess without you, hell I'm still a mess."

"I'll say," Sara agreed and turned around to look at Kylie, tucked under Clay's sheets still fast asleep. "Does she even have a name this time?"

"Of course she does." Clay rolled his eyes, hating her for being able to mock how much pain he was in alone at night. "It's Kylie if you must know."

"Something interesting happened at Jamie's party, didn't it?" said his late wife then, changing the subject fast enough to catch him off guard. "You have the hots for Nathan's sister-in-law."

"No, I don't!" Clay shook his head vehemently as if to shake off her outrageous suggestion; "What do you take me for, angel? Firstly I just met Quinn. Secondly, she's a married woman."

"I take you for depressingly lonely, Jerry Maguire," said the spirit teasingly and Clay scowled at her. "You deserve better than this, honey." She gestured at Kylie's sleeping figure to prove her point and as if on cue the skinny blonde stirred awake.

"Sara…," Clay began pleadingly, but Kylie had broken the spell, and his wife was gone once more.

"Hey, you," said the model's voice, thick with sleep as she padded outside to join him. "Why don't you come back to bed? I'll make it worth your while."

"No thanks," said Clay vaguely, frowning out into the darkness as if the ocean waves had carried away his life-line on the receding tide. "Actually, uh…I have something I need to do. You can sleep here if you like, or I'll see you later maybe."

"Wow, so much for love at first sight." Kylie folded her arms across her bare chest and Clay could tell she was finally offended, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

At the model's words, a vivid image of Sara's nervous smile the day he met her on the edge of a bridge near Duke University swarmed to mind. From the moment that he had held her hand to jump into the lake below, he had lost the ability to function without her in so many ways. With that perfect definition of real love at first at sight, it was no wonder he was having trouble moving on. Looking the sullen blonde right in the eyes, Clay muttered dismissively; "I don't believe in love," because his reason to believe was long gone, but Kylie wasn't worth the details. "Stay or go; it's up to you. I have to go, now!" With that Clay grabbed his phone, already glowing with more work drama to face and stormed out of the obnoxiously large beach house.

As if blowing away the dark cloud of his brooding thoughts, Clay felt himself relaxing when he got down to the beach and paced along the shore, breathing in the ocean air. The peace of having the ocean on his doorstep was why he had settled in Tree Hill, in an entirely too large house, when he left behind all he had known in Raleigh after Sara's sudden death. Almost two years later, nights were still hard but finding Nathan genuinely had been life-changing just when he'd needed the change of scene most. "Hey, Jerry Maguire," called a vaguely familiar-sounding voice and Clay turned to see Quinn watching him from further up the sloping sand, away from the water. "What are you doing out here at this hour?"

"Just thinking," said Clay simply. "Beach house perks, you know. My doorstep is pretty awesome."

"That one yours?" asked Haley's sister, pointing in awe. "I'm impressed."

"I was impressed with your football skills today, guess we're even," Clay laughed in spite of himself. "What's your excuse for being out here so late?"

"Thinking," Quinn echoed, and by now Clay was close enough to her to see the sadness in her eyes. "You're right; it's a pretty good spot."

"You want to think together?" Clay offered before he could stop himself. "It's a nice walk out here, pretty peaceful at this time of night."

"I'd like that," said Quinn softly and Clay thought he saw her flinch when the tide surged. "It sure beats walking so close to the ocean all alone. I dare you to protect me, Jerry Maguire!"

"Hey, I'm just an agent," he pointed out, unsure what to make of the emotions written all over her face. "But I do have a thing for superheroes; you're on."

"Super-Agent, I like that." Quinn's stilettos sank into the damp sand, and she wobbled on the spot until he grabbed her arm supportively. "See? Totally handy to have a Super-Agent around."

"Look where you're going, clumsy. Your sister won't be happy if you get swallowed up by the beach on your first week back in town. What's your issue with the ocean anyway? I love to listen to the waves when work gets too stressful."

"I've been afraid of it since I was a little girl," Quinn admitted.

"Sharks?" Clay mused. "They're not common so close to land, you know."

"Not sharks," said Quinn, shaking her head. "Immensity."

"That's a new one. You'll have to explain it to me sometime. For now, your palace awaits, princess."

Quinn giggled when he bowed mockingly and let go of her hand. "I look forward to coming up with an explanation for my weird fears. Goodnight, Jerry Maguire."

"See you around, Quinn." Clay raised a hand in farewell and was just about to head back to his house when Quinn's voice halted him in his tracks.

"Hey, Clay?"

"Yeah?" When he turned to face her, Clay couldn't help but notice how breathtakingly beautiful Quinn's grateful smile was.

"Thanks," she said simply. "Can we think together again sometime?"

"Thinking loves company," he remarked, thinking of how vividly his imagination had given him company in the darkness of the beach house for months. "Maybe." Satisfied with his answer, Quinn turned to leave, and Clay walked back across the damp sand to his house, already feeling less alone.

A few paces from the house, Sara materialized at his side once more, and Clay couldn't help but feel relieved. That is until she spoke; "Can I please say I told you so? Didn't that feel better than whatever you and Blondie were doing?"

"No, you can't," Clay hissed, vaguely aware that Kylie had left the house while he was out. "It was nothing! I'm sorry, angel."

"Don't you dare," said Sara sternly. "I want you to be happy, Clay. Don't you know that? I hate seeing you alone; somebody deserves everything that you are. Please let it happen, be brave…for me?"

"With Quinn?" he asked with a skeptical grimace. "As I told you before, she's married."

"With someone…maybe Quinn, maybe not. All I want is for you to at least try," she begged. "This can't go on, babe. You are too special to work yourself to death like this. Promise me you'll talk to her again?"

Clay eyed his own wedding band shining behind the engagement diamond on Sara's finger, and it evaporated every light-hearted feeling Quinn had brought on for that precious little while. "Okay," he said dully, flinching when Sara frowned disbelievingly at him.

"And no more of that nonsense you told Kylie, please! You do believe in love and you will. You know why?"

"Why?" Though his eyes burned with exhaustion, Clay was afraid to blink, as if it would make her vanish again and leave him alone.

"Because I love you," Sara whispered; "and I always will. Let someone else into your dreams tonight, honey. It's okay, I promise." With every word, her voice grew fainter, and Clay was left wondering for the hundredth time if he was destined to be suffocated with longing and possible insanity until daylight. In the guest bedroom of the Scott mansion, Quinn had as much on her mind and lay awake staring aimlessly into space. But where before her night-time walk misery had prevailed, she now felt a glimmer of hope in the memory of her very own superhero's hand.

 **A / N I just re-watched 7.01, had my own love at first sight moment for Clay all over again and then angsty shit happens, enjoy! xx**


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